Ongoing Epiphany

Hello there.

Well, this weekend was highly unproductive. Also highly uneventful. I can honestly say that the only things I did was I cleaned my room, did laundry, finished homework, sat around, watched a movie with my mum, played my guitar but didn't finish any set list of any kind or finish any songs, and I watched Sarah McLachlan's Afterglow Live DVD. Oh, and yesterday, while cleaning my room I watched Paramore's Final RIOT concert DVD.

And that is all. ._.

It sounds like a bit when I list it all off like that, but I didn't even leave the house. It's a little sad. Unless you count Friday as apart of the weekend. Cause then the only time I left the house was when we went to the SlipKnot concert, and to WhiteSpot before.

I always set aside the weekend's for cleaning and being productive with my music. The cleaning happens, just not the productive music part.. ._.

It doesn't sound good does it? No.

I always dwell on it too. It's quite a funny cycle I've got going. =P

I mean, I certainly don't do this every weekend, but lately, I feel like I've been in a bit of a rut. So to speak. I've been really.. tense. Like, I can't relax. It's kind of weird. I keep thinking about the future. Like, that's all I do these days. I guess, when I don't do something that's helping me with my future, I don't feel good..

It's weird.

I'm like, obsessed with it. Obsessed with not letting life pass me by. Which is ironic, because when I dwell on the future like that, that's exactly what I'm doing.

Buddha once said..

"The secret of health for body, mind and soul is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles. But to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly."

And that's what I keep telling myself to start doing, but I think now, I just have to.. let it be. And maybe this is just my personality. Everyone has their quirks..

But I know, when I was younger of course, I never thought of the future. Well, I did, but I just didn't think of it like I do now. The way that I think of it now is, one day, I'll be 30. And then I'll be 50. And I'm more than halfway through my life. I just hope that when I'm more than halfway through my life I'll have accomplished something.

And that's what i keep trying to do right now.

Accomplish something. And not just with my music, but as a person.

I don't want it to go fast. And in those younger years, when I was 12, it wasn't going fast. But now, it feels like it is. I mean, I'm almost out of school, and that's kind of a scary thing to realize. Cause when you've graduated, that's a huge changing point in your life. Everything starts changing, rapidly I think.

I guess that's what's making me tense lately.

I'm just going through the in's and out's of everyday life, sometimes thinking there should be more. Especially when we only have so much time.

I mean, anything can happen.

And until then, we gotta live it up.

This is my on-going epiphany.

What? I've got to vent somewhere.

Singing off,

--K