Ongoing Epiphany

Hello there.

Well, this weekend was highly unproductive. Also highly uneventful. I can honestly say that the only things I did was I cleaned my room, did laundry, finished homework, sat around, watched a movie with my mum, played my guitar but didn't finish any set list of any kind or finish any songs, and I watched Sarah McLachlan's Afterglow Live DVD. Oh, and yesterday, while cleaning my room I watched Paramore's Final RIOT concert DVD.

And that is all. ._.

It sounds like a bit when I list it all off like that, but I didn't even leave the house. It's a little sad. Unless you count Friday as apart of the weekend. Cause then the only time I left the house was when we went to the SlipKnot concert, and to WhiteSpot before.

I always set aside the weekend's for cleaning and being productive with my music. The cleaning happens, just not the productive music part.. ._.

It doesn't sound good does it? No.

I always dwell on it too. It's quite a funny cycle I've got going. =P

I mean, I certainly don't do this every weekend, but lately, I feel like I've been in a bit of a rut. So to speak. I've been really.. tense. Like, I can't relax. It's kind of weird. I keep thinking about the future. Like, that's all I do these days. I guess, when I don't do something that's helping me with my future, I don't feel good..

It's weird.

I'm like, obsessed with it. Obsessed with not letting life pass me by. Which is ironic, because when I dwell on the future like that, that's exactly what I'm doing.

Buddha once said..

"The secret of health for body, mind and soul is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles. But to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly."

And that's what I keep telling myself to start doing, but I think now, I just have to.. let it be. And maybe this is just my personality. Everyone has their quirks..

But I know, when I was younger of course, I never thought of the future. Well, I did, but I just didn't think of it like I do now. The way that I think of it now is, one day, I'll be 30. And then I'll be 50. And I'm more than halfway through my life. I just hope that when I'm more than halfway through my life I'll have accomplished something.

And that's what i keep trying to do right now.

Accomplish something. And not just with my music, but as a person.

I don't want it to go fast. And in those younger years, when I was 12, it wasn't going fast. But now, it feels like it is. I mean, I'm almost out of school, and that's kind of a scary thing to realize. Cause when you've graduated, that's a huge changing point in your life. Everything starts changing, rapidly I think.

I guess that's what's making me tense lately.

I'm just going through the in's and out's of everyday life, sometimes thinking there should be more. Especially when we only have so much time.

I mean, anything can happen.

And until then, we gotta live it up.

This is my on-going epiphany.

What? I've got to vent somewhere.

Singing off,

--K

I don't feel like a teenager, never have.

You know what?

I love being organized. I almost thrive on it.

To feel sane, and complete.

I cleaned my room, and i thought that would be enough, but it wasn't.

I'm not really paying much attention to my classes right now. It never dawned on me that that would ever become a problem though. As I've said before, "I goof around at school, that's what it's for isn't it?" lol, well I still can, but I think I like being on top of things. And I don't like it when I'm not. It just doesn't feel good, it doesn't feel right for me.

I find I can get overwhelmed quite easily.

I'm the kind of person that takes pride in what they do.

I like to take pride in everything I do.

Tomorrow's Monday, and it's Sunday night, 9:02 PM, I think I can still somewhat salvage this weekend, and do something mildly productive and in the right step towards my.. new found point of few. My "realization."

I might, dare I say it, do some homework. =o

I know.

This is quite the breakthrough. :P

........................................

On another completely unrelated topic, I ended up watching "Shaun of the Dead" tonight with my folks, (Mum & Dad, and my brother).

It was quite enjoyable. ^-^ I like funny horror movies.

Speaking of horror movies, Halloween's coming up. Gotta figure out what I'm doing..

I've decided that I'm being a Hippy a long time ago, but I just don't know what the plan is for that night. I'm definitely finished with my Trick or Treating years, I was thinking of watching scary movies with my friend and totally freaking her out, because she hates scary movies. mwahahaha. Or there's my other friends "party." =P Don't ask why I put that in quotations, lol.

Well whatever I do, I'm gonna have fun with it. =]

I quite enjoy Halloween. :)

These are the three golden months:

1. Halloween

2. My Birthday (November 17th)

3. Christmas and New Years!

It's just so joyful! Lots of wonderful events coming up, I'm excited! :-]

Oh, and for my bday in November, I'll be SIXTEEN! =o

Hm.

That should be interesting, prime teenager age. lol

I don't feel like a teenager, never have.

I think I've felt the same since I was like, twelve. =P

Well, off to go do what I said!

Type to you soon ;)

-K<33