It's 6:25 PM, Christmas Eve Eve, and mouses are very much stirring.
Everyone in my house is busy with something. My mum's making dinner. My dad's watching the news while talking with my brother, who's most likely on his iPhone. And my cousin is probably on his laptop... looking up something. I'm guessing all of these things, well just the last two, because I'm in a separate room. I'm hidden away in my bedroom with my cats, typing up this new blog post.
What do I have to say for myself? Well, I really want to get my album done. Above all else, it's what I REALLY want to accomplish.
Now I know what you're saying, "Then why don't you?" Well, because... I'm weird?
lol.
Because I've hit a tough spot. I'm having difficulty with the last three songs I want to produce for it. I know. ONLY THREE. I've completed eight already, and then there are two more that are acoustic.
I'm almost there ._.
While that's a very inspiring thought, it's also pretty discouraging at the same time. I just can't seem to get past these three songs. I've started a couple, and I haven't even thought of the third one...
It's mildly overwhelming. Which sounds silly, but it's true. Well, I think it is.
The reason I'm bringing this up is, well, because it's the thing that's always on my mind. Has been for years, really. And especially because right now is a very good time for me to really work on it. It's Winter break, we get a few weeks off from school. It's the 4th day of the break today, and what have I done?
I wrapped presents.
That's about the most productive thing I did. Actually, that's not true. I did completely revamp my blog (nice, isn't it? :]) and my Myspace page. (Check it!) So now I can feel like a bit less of a loser. But still no very important progress. I keep just banging my head against the wall.
I'm waiting for a breakthrough.
I'm working with Garageband to produce my album, and so far it's gone great. But lately, as you know- RUT.
I HATE WORKING WITH DIFFERENT TEMPOS. In fact, I can't seem to get any tempos right for any of these songs, even if there's no change in them!
>.<>
That's right. Full on venting. Full on double venting all the way across my blog.
-_-
Well, tomorrow's Christmas Eve. Doubt I'll get anything done then. I'll be helping my mum cook Christmas dinner for our annual Christmas Eve family dinner. Everyone's coming in.
...You know, two years ago during the Christmas break is when I produced You'll Never Know. Everyone in our house was sick except for me and my dad. I basically hid away in my room for a week. That's when I produced the first song to go on my album two years later... I did it just for fun. Maybe that's the difference now. I'm forcing myself...
Well, that doesn't help much.
If I don't post before Christmas than MERRY CHRISTMAS! Or Happy Hanukkah or Kwanza!
Ha, "Happy Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza. Share it with your loved ones. But don't forget that I'm still here. I'll write you letters every year. Happy Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza and maybe even Festivus too. I don't know about you. But I know we never get too old. So happy Christanukkza!"
That's the chorus to a holiday song I wrote three years ago. The only holiday song I've written.
These aren't new lyrics. I wrote this song about two years ago. After listening to John Mayer's "In Your Atmosphere" I was immensely inspired. This is the product of that inspiration mixed with my feelings at the time- feelings that I relate to right now.
It's been a long time since I posted last. I know I should get out of the habit of starting every blog entry with that, but it's only the truth.
You may have noticed the slight layout change my blog has undergone since then. I can't decide if I want to convert to a new templet, so for now, I can't change anything but pictures and text (this means I can't change things like my blog's background colour, text colour, some basic layout changes, etc..).
ANYWAY, moving on.
Since this past November 17th, I've been keeping a journal and writing in it every single day. My plan was (and still is) to write in said Journal for a year of my life. After only a month of this I've realized I'm going to need multiple journals. Pretty much a new one for every couple of months. I haven't slipped up yet. Think I can do it?
I've already beaten my record. Usually I stop after two weeks. I've been going strong for OVER A MONTH, YEAH.
:)
However, I do miss blogging. I still want to keep that it. I won't be posting as often as I used to (when I didn't have a life in grade 10), but it'll be more of a healthy... balance. :] lol
It's winter break. YES. YES. YES.
HALLELUJAH.
^ I say that quite often in my blog.
It's officially day two of the time off. It's going very well so far. Having said that, I haven't made any progress on my album like I wanted (ideally) to, but yesterday I began, believe it or not, learning how to read music.
Shocker, I know.
For pretty much all of my musical.. life... I've been against, well not against, I just didn't feel it was necessary to read music in order to be a good musician. And actually, I still believe this. There are plenty of people who learn by ear- these tend to be the writers v.s. the players. But I've come to a point, specifically in my piano learnings, where I wasn't learning anything. I was not progressing. I've been playing piano for three years, and I'm still completely amateur. I want to better this craft. I would LOVE to play classical pieces like "Clair de Lune." After picking up the Adult Piano Learning book I threw into a random pile of books and magazines I've kept in my room for (apparently) three years, beginning at square one seemed to encourage this newfound notion.
I actually don't hate it. I feel quite juvenile, playing one note at a time, but I feel excited again. Happy. I like progressing, learning. It brings me joy. =)
So, along with this "goal" or just weird thing I've created for myself to write in a book every day for year, I now have another. And that is learn the piano- properly this time.
I've even thought about taking lessons again. But again, the proper way this time.
Let's see how far I get with the first book... it says 'Book 1'... I wonder how many there are.
lol. I'm guessing A LOT.
Well, here's to learning something new, documenting my thoughts, and justdoing things in general. Because if life isn't about experiences, then what is it about?
I'm turning seventeen in six days. I know that's not a huge milestone, but it certainly holds importance to me. A lot has changed in the past two years of my life, and I can only imagine what changes are still to come.
It's my grad year. That alone is a HUGE change.
So far, grade 12's been good. Busy, but still good I'd say.
Everyday I make films with my friends, study English literature with some really cool and interesting people, and write.
Currently, I'm writing a play. I've never written a play before, so it's a very new experience. To be honest, my first playwriting experience has been REALLY rushed, and that's a part of school I am not so fond of. I'm a slow person, with many things. I'm also a bit of a perfectionist, so time limits are not cool beans with me.
My play is supposed to be finished by tomorrow. I'm at 28 pages (it has to be 30), so I'm almost there, but I still haven't wrapped my brain around how I'm concluding it.
Between this play, a webseries I'm editing, and my first English LIT midterm coming up (on my birthday I might add), I'm pretty swamped.
In other words, songwriting and producing my album have been neglected.
I am still, however, driven to finish my record. Especially since the Garageband upgrade with iLife '11 provides exactly what I need in order to complete it on my own.
Tempo changes!
HALLELUJAH!! ^^ THANK YOU MAC!
:)
Today is Thursday, remembrance day, so I have the day off.
I will wear my poppy, finish my play, finish editing the webseries and while I'm studying for my upcoming English LIT midterm I shall update my computer, and hopefully have time to start playing around with some of my music.
I'm tired. I'm thirsty. I'm unmotivated. I'm distracted. I'm experiencing mild writer's block that I think I could fix decently easily by just... writing anyway. But here I am, spilling my thoughts to whoever it reaches on the other end of this thing we call "the internet."
Club Grad was the bomb. Seriously, I had a killer time. You'd think something with the name "Club Grad" (emphasis on the CLUB) would have lots to do with drinking, dancing, and just... things I don't like to do, but who would have thought there would actually be innocently fun things involved as well.
Well... I did. :] That's why I went. And I'm sure glad I did, because as I said before, awesomeness. It was pure awesomeness. :)
Let me some up the night for you with the following: free pizza, free all-play arcade, slushies, a deserted dance floor we had all to ourselves, private karaoke because no one else wanted to, and Jackass 3D.
Hells. Yeah.
Oh, and friends. Lots of friends. (:
I was beaming. It was sweet. Now, however, it's Tuesday night and I'm sitting at home typing up this blog entry because I'm outwardly avoiding what I should be doing. I should be working on my "Short Story," I put that in quotations because mine is not so short. I'm reaching eleven pages after formatting it correctly (taking away double spacing, it's easier to write it that way).
As my cousin Tisha would say, "hurrumph."
That pretty much sums up how I feel about my not-so-short-story. I really should just kill the main character now. It's dragging on! I'M DONE WITH IT!
BLAH Dx
._.
On the bright side, I have no other over-due, pressing assignments. AND I have a spare to catch up in, which makes me wonder why I'm so behind with my short story in the first place.
grumble grumble grumble.
As for my music endeavors, I don't really currently have any. This makes me down. BUT last night I was playing piano for quite some time and it got me stoked about my album again.
I would like to work on it this year, and not wait till I'm out of school, but you know... there's this thing called "life" that tends to get in the way. I don't want to use that as an excuse either, but it really is the truth of the matter.
My dad has his own work to attend to, let alone helping me with mine. I'm still in school, and it seems evident that there's a lot that comes with that (especially this year). It really only leaves the occasional weekend to work on anything. But then there are school projects, such as our Drama: Film and TV Anti-Drinking and Driving Commercial. That's this weekend. As well as this competition I'm in. Every other Sunday night downtown it's the Vancouver Island's Got Talent Competition. And then there's prepping for that. And then there's fitting in time with friends and family, and
AHHH. That's the life I was talking about.
But I'm not giving up. It will happen. I can make room for something I'm in love with.
I should just marry music and get it over with.
;) lol
This gives me the sudden urge to play my keyboard.
I feel like I've had no time to over the past few months, but hopefully that era is dead. I think I shall make the time. I mean, I'm only sixteen. One thing I do have is the freedom to decide what I want to do with my time. I'm not held down by any jobs or responsibilities.
Right now, is the easy life. And I'm going to savour it as much as I possibly can!
Things are going well. As I said before, it feels a bit hectic- busier than last year, but this is my last year of high school. I'm taking classes I really want to take, and I'm enjoying what this last year has to offer. I'm not worrying about anything else really.
EXCEPT for this competition I'm currently in. =P I've made it through the audition and first preliminary round of Vancouver Island's Got Talent. Next Sunday is the second round, so WISH ME LUCK. :]
If you'd like to come out to a show (next one's October 24th) visit my website for more details.
:)
All in all, I'm taking it easy. ^^
I'm being a sixteen year old (seventeen in a month!!), going to school, playing music, seeing friends... you know, all the typical, regular teenage stuff. :]
Tomorrow's Club Grad, which is the epitome of "typical, regular teenage stuff."
It's been a while since I blogged last, and things are going pretty... great, actually =]
Grade twelve has been awesome so far. I love all of my classes, and have met some very cool new people. I have a spare now (a block with no class), and it's proven to be quite useful and very nice to have a break in the day. ^^
Usually, I go to starbucks and do work, but on one of my spares last week a lot of friends decided to join me, so we went to the park...
:) May I present to you part of the grad class of 2011. It still feels weird saying that.
This picture already makes me sad that it's all coming to an end. It's hard to believe, let along imagine what it's going to be like.
But before graduation comes, there are many other things coming in the immediate future. Like Halloween, my seventeenth birthday :), Christmas, hopefully some more Coffee Houses at school, prom (oh boy)...
And this weekend is "Club Grad" at silver city. Now that, I'm pretty excited for. An ENTIRE night (literally, all night long) of movies, friends, food, laughing, and shenanigans. Oh, and Jackass 3D, which I'm literally scared of.
>.<
But it'll be fun, just as long as I don't fall asleep!
Since this is my grad year, I'm going to make it a point to document it. Wether it's through pictures, video, blog posts, diary entries- you name it, it's going to be remembered.
Speaking of documentation, I've finished another vlog! I added onto it last night, since I've gathered more footage to include.
It's called "Life and Music" and it's in the style of "Life is Awesome."
I've been home from school (sick) for two days now, and this means quite a lot of time spent on the computer. (What else am I to do?)
So, I was doing all the regular things- creepin' facebook (^^), checking my e-mail, and random things too, like catching up on my DailyBooth account, when I found some link somewhere that brought me to Taylor Swift's website.
At first, I had the same feelings about it, and about her, but after watching some of her video blogs, I seemed to form a completely new opinion about it all.
Before, to be completely honest, I wasn't much of a fan. I did however, appreciate that she was a good role model and seemed to be a genuinely good person. Now, I see her, and especially everything she does, in a whole new light. She's not just out there being a musician, she's trying all sorts of new things, and nothing holds her back. Given, she is very lucky to be in her position, but she has worked really hard to be where she is now.
Bottom line of my realization: She's incredibly inspiring to me.
I may not love all of her songs (although I have bought a few), but the way she carries herself onstage, in front of the camera, etc.. is with a certain grace that I admire. Also, how much she understands what her fans have done for her (i.e. EVERYTHING), and sincerely thanks them nonstop with events like a 13 hour meet and greet blows my mind.
She is outrageously dedicated, and that more than anything has gotten her where she is.
I can learn a lot from her. Heck, I have already!
I'm actually looking forward to her new album "Speak Now," as I bought the "Mine" music video (it's adorable).
=]
So, good job Taylor Swift. You've just earned yourself another fan.
I was reading some of my old blog posts (yes, I reflect on my past) when I came across one entitled "Very First Vlog! - Saanich Fair 2009". After watching it, my first impression was- "Do I have some sort of speech impediment?" After ruling that out, and replacing it with the fact that I am merely a typical teenager who doesn't speak very well, my second thought was- I haven't kept up the vlogging on my blog. =(
I did- and still do- like the idea of posting blogs and video blogs. It's fun for me, and maybe even for you, to change it up every now and then.
THUS, I have decided to start up vlogging again, posting them on this, here blog! ^^
A while back, I did post a vlog on my YouTube channel, but I think (for me) it was the wrong place for it. I'm not a video blogger, I'm a musician. So if any of them turn out embarrassing and/or silly (which guaranteed, some of them most certainly will) I'm happy with them being located on my blog.
Because if you know my blog, you're probably aware that there's not much of a filter.
So, to start up the... relaunch of vlogging, I thought I'd post the vlog that is now private on my YouTube channel. It is.. quite silly. I thought it was funny at the time- and it is- but... yeah... I set it to private on YouTube, let's just put it that way.
lol.
It is literally just a compilation of out-takes from my first attempt at vlogging. I REPEAT I AM NOT A VIDEO BLOGGER, no matter how much I try to be.
Who knows, maybe one day I'll get some sort of hang of it. Heck, maybe I'll even vlog about something i n t e r e s t i n g! =o It's a thought!
In the meantime, I'll work my way towards that goal.
I miss blogging. I don't blog nearly as much as I used to, and I miss that.
So, because I've recognized this missing part of me, I'm going to make an effort to think of you more often. I mean, I can't really blame my absence on a lack of time, because I can honestly recall plenty of occasions where I had nothing else better to do.
I just, for some reason, chose to do nothing else better.
._.
Well, no more of that!
I'm back (:
... hello! ^^
Actually. I even have something to blog about other than the fact that I want to blog more. It's what inspired this realization- or rather, who.
His name is Charlie McDonnell. You may have heard of him.
He's a YouTuber. A brilliant YouTuber, if I may say so.
When I think about it... he does exactly what I do, only through a different medium. I've tried my hand at "vlogging", and found it to be much more difficult than I immediately presumed. This is one of the reasons I appreciate, and respect Charlie. It's also one of the reasons I stick to blogging.
=P
Anyway, I was catching up on some of his vlogs, when I came across a couple that I related to.
The first one, was this:
I, myself, have made "time capsules" (that's capsules, of course, with a British accent ^^), but only again, through writing- my comfortable medium. Although, I did stumble upon some accidental time capsules me and my friend recorded on Garageband.
Those were funny.
Anyway- the point I was meaning to get across about this video, was how over the past few years of my life, I've been constantly thinking about the future. I've been planning my current life for the benefit of my future life. I couldn't relax, I couldn't except, and be happy with the way things were going at the time. This ended up with me basically running in circles- especially with my album. Working at something creative does not work when you're tense. Ever heard of the saying "Get the creative juices flowing"? Well, things don't flow when there's tension. This, I have learned, and I've accepted it.
Watching this video really inspired me to be happy now. To not be greedy, and always be reaching for more. As he said "You had food to eat. You had friends that you liked. You had a job that you liked, and that was enough."
That may sound a little... uninspiring in a way, but for me, it all comes back to the simplicity of it all. And that is a part of life I enjoy. I'm only sixteen. I don't need to rush things.
Hearing that put into words by someone else, really confirmed my own beliefs about it. It reminded me of how good of a place I'm in right now, and to really savour and enjoy it. :-)
So, thanks Charlie! (:
As for the second video, the title is very appropriate:
Now, what I grabbed out of that video was the all-too-typical "stay true to yourself", but no matter how over-stated and typical that life lesson may be, when it comes down to it- it's true.
My experience with this has yet again to do with my music. In the early stages of writing (back when I was a pre-teen, and younger) I had no-one to answer to, because simply, no-one knew about it. Now, however, I still don't really have anyone to answer to but, sometimes it feels that way. One direct example I can give you is with *yet again* my album. oi vey. =P
I wanted to keep my "fans" in the loop about what I was doing, but I didn't realize the fine line that I was crossing that ended up with me being so aware of what was going on around me (the pressure to finish it on time, not disappointing anyone) that I couldn't give the proper focus my record needed. This ultimately ended with all deadlines being taken off, and my albumstaying under construction.
This sounds like a horrible ending, and with the knowledge I had at the time, I would think it was. Now, however, I know better. What was the deadline for anyway? I had no reason to even create one. Music is something I love to do, and have a passion for- why would I want to rush my first formal release of that?
I know I'll be playing music all my life- whether or not I can make a living off of it- and right now is part of my life. I'm done with pressing fast forward. This is something that I also want to savour.
I may not have a record on my hands, but over this summer I have learned a lot. I wouldn't trade that for making things easier.
This summer has been different, and now I see what it was.
A WHOLE LOT OF LEARNING.
And I thought that's what school was for. ;)
I'm ready now to continue on, not rushing things, savoring my ... teenage.. hood..
xP
Of course, I'll continue blogging- telling you all about it. =)
Thanks for sticking with me,
and thanks for reading this ever so long blog post.
In this very "composition box," I've tried four different ways to start off this post.
None of them have proven successful, so we'll see if this one does...
What I've been wanting to tell you- what I've been struggling to tell you (I can't seem to speak properly today)- is I've had a revelation.
I know. So dramatic- but it's true.
This summer I was so determined that I was going to complete my album, that I forgot about everything else. Everything else being, my friends, my family, the beach, the river, the sun, late night movie marathons, playing grounders at the park... everything that I was also excited for when that last school bell rang.
I tied myself, unconditionally, to recording and producing my album. Which, I thought was good at the time. I was devoted- and don't get me wrong, I love doing it, but the part I don't love about it is the part I brought upon myself.
The stress.
Even after my first "deadline" fell through (which was set for the beginning of summer), I created another one right after, being for the end of summer.
I should have learned the first time it wasn't going to work in the same way.
I also should have known that a measly two months goes by really fast.
I've been told by some very wise people to not set a deadline for an album- to only announce it when it's finished. Otherwise, that deadline will be in the back of your mind the entire process, reminding you of the pressure and responsibility of keeping your word, making the experience inevitably
NOT FUN.
Now I really understand that concept, as I've been living it the past few months.
And now I've come full circle, having realized what it is I have to do next...
The same thing I've been doing, only without the stress and the pressure and the responsibility.
I am now officially allowing myself to continue on with my album, carefree.
I assure you, the finished product will be much more desirable, as I can now breathe.
^^ ahhh.
It feels better already!
So, to make sure you know what I mean, my album does NOT have a release date. I don't know when it will be finished. I could give an estimated guess, but that's almost as bad as a deadline itself.
However, I will keep you up to date with it's progress, through my blog, so you can estimate for yourself. ;)
A while ago I was either saying to a friend, or thinking to myself, how this summer wasn't feeling quite right. The weather has been iffy, I've only been swimming once (which is disgraceful), and on some occasions (much too many for summer) I would wake up WAY to early. We're talking 5:00 - 7:30 AM. Sometimes this would be by reason (like playing at the 100th Canadian Walmart Grand Opening) and sometimes, it would be by no particular reason at all- which is strange, and highly annoying.
However, for the past... maybe week and a bit (maybe more, maybe less) it has begun to feel much more familiar. I've been downtown, played some gigs, watched some gigs, met new people, met up with friends, seen some great movies, and basically just enjoyed everything.
:)
So all in all, it's been a pretty lovely summer so far (:
I really can't complain.
As for the rest of it, me and my fam are going up island tomorrow to enjoy endless sun, beaches, and swimming. ^^ I am quite looking forward to that. :]
When we get back, it's PRODUCING, RECORDING AND CREATING for me. I have the rest of summer- that's almost an entire month- to focus on my album.
I'll keep you posted on my progress with it.
Wish me luck =)
Oh- and you have yourself a lovely summer as well :)
It was just two days ago when I realized we were already three weeks into summer break. It was two days ago when I was sad, because I could already imagine the next several weeks going by in a blink of an eye.
Since those past two days however, I have thoroughly enjoyed being with my family, helping around the house, and beginning the production of Stay Strong.
I can say that (so far) I've been savoring summer, and I intend to continue doing this until it's final dying breath.
