Tuesday, July 26, 2011

I don't have everything figured out. That's all I've figured out.



"Has anyone told you that you over-think things too much?"

Yes. I tell myself that everyday.

.........

Hey. It's me again.

I'm sitting at my computer desk amongst books and copies of my EP, random chords and technological devices that are all shoved to the corner of my ill-sized bedroom that can currently only fit a twin sized bed. A lot is going through my head. So much so, that I find it a bit difficult to sort through it all and type only the important things out to whoever's reading this now.

I have a newspaper interview tomorrow morning and my first real "band practice" tomorrow night. I'm toying with the idea of adding a couple more tracks to my current 4 song EP, while trying to mentally prepare for the performances I have coming up this weekend.

My album, of course, is weighing on me. As it always is. I'm in a rut as far as producing goes. And with this week's upcoming events it's hard to focus on recording- which apparently I've fooled myself into believing needs the utmost undivided attention. Well, maybe it does. But at the rate I'm going, this seems impossible.

This is my life.

In the past- well, the more recent past- I have kept my blog to only reporting positive and exciting things. However, I have neglected to include the nitty gritty. Which is what I honestly enjoy writing about the most. The heart of it. The feelings. Which sometimes includes struggle. It's not all glamorous. Trust me. I know this now. I can say this because I know now that I did not really realize it before.

Just because things are looking up and progressing- even rapidly- doesn't mean that will hold true.

The situation constantly changes. That's what life is. A series of changes.

I have come to find this pretty organically, and ripe at the age of seventeen. I've learned this from a small dose of the music business. But also, like most people: from relationships, personal goals that start out different then how they end up, making decisions and un-making those decisions, trying something that doesn't end up working and then taking a completely different path...

I don't have everything figured out. That's all I've figured out.

:P

I like to refer to the stage I'm in right now as "the in-between." I'm fresh out of high school, finished with my past as I know it, and onto explore my future... the rest of my life.

Put it like that and it sounds pretty daunting.

I know I'm not the only one. And maybe that's why I feel a sort of duty to write this right now. If you're in the same position as me, and heck, even if you still have years to go before your grad or yours was years ago, just stop. That's right, stop. Look around you. Where are you right now? Breathe in. Close your eyes if you want. Exhale. Who are you thankful for? Who do you love? What do you love?

For this one moment, you're allowed to be selfish. Think about your life. Think about your favorite memories.

We're so lucky to even be alive. There is so much this world has to offer. It's only a matter of taking it all in... letting it all in. Appreciating it.

This has been something I've made a conscious effort to include in my mind set, and with everything going on lately it has honestly been hard to maintain.

Things in my life have been... shifting. Even if I am only referring to what's been going on in my head. For me as a person, it's been crucial.

To tell the truth, I have no idea where I'll end up or what I'll be doing next year. Or the year after that. I have an idea of what I'd like to be doing, but I have no security in telling if it'll be successful or not. Or if something else doesn't come up.... But as someone who I think to be wise and someone who is close to me said, "No one does."

"You like to plan everything, don't you?"

I don't know if I like to. It's just been some kind of reflex I haven't tried to prevent.

When you get down to it- the "nitty gritty"- all that really matters are the things that are so easy to take for granted. Family, friends, passion, fulfillment, health, happiness... Most of everything else is irrelevant. I for one, want to spend my days filling these parts of my life out. Whether that ends up including a performing career or one in writing or.. who knows?!

As long as I'm happy. That's all that matters.

I extend my best wishes to all fellow graduates and soon-to-be grads.

I must sign off before I get carried away with another closely related subject. That I can save for next time.

Thanks for being apart of my figuring out of life.

xx K


4 comments:

Grant McLachlan said...

If it’s any consolation – I over think things too... it’s one of the faults of having a mind constantly thinking. It makes me worry, it makes me lose sleep. At times, the fear of the unknown is overwhelming. All I can do... all we can do, is hope for the best. If we succeed in our goals, we will continue struggling. If we are defeated, we will continue struggling. Victory or defeat, success or failure, whatever the result, we will be fighting – we will be strong.

Karly Summers said...

Indeed. As someone supposedly wise once said, "Life is struggling."

:P

One Phanny Pack said...

I stumbled upon your blog when I clicked next blog; I say that your post is very enlightening. And there's never anything wrong with planning for the future (something that I lack from time to time since I'm a lazy git, etc). I love your message about appreciating life.

Maveric18k said...

Hey, I randomly came across your blog and listened to your song. Just wanted to tell you that it was pretty great! Stay creative and write everyday, even if it's one line and doesn't even make sense.

J